NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.
With this post, I begin working through the exercises in Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book.” While you can definitely read my blog and benefit from my insights without doing the exercises yourself, I encourage you to follow along and gain and share your own insights. Not all blog posts will be associated with YCHYL exercises, but these exercises are an integral part of the Healing Project.
Defining the Concept
We all want many things in our lives and we often wonder why we don’t get those things. A big part of it has to do with the concept of deserving, or as Louise Hay terms it, “deservability.” If, at the deepest core of our being, we don’t feel we deserve to have what we wish for, that belief will block those things from coming into our lives. We end up settling for less than what we truly desire as a result of our limiting beliefs. To achieve our goals in life, it is necessary to work on our beliefs as well as take concrete actions toward that which we want.
The Deservability Exercise in the “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book” consists of seven questions which are designed to help us to better understand the power of this concept. Below, I have included these questions (rephrased in a shorter and simpler format) as well as some key excerpts from my responses to the questions. I feel that I have gained some valuable insights as a result of my introspection into the concept of “deservability.” Now I invite you to answer these questions…
1. What do you want that you do not have now?
- I want to have vibrant, good health. I want to wake up feeling energetic, healthy and hopeful about the coming day. I want to know that I will feel good instead of fearing or even expecting that I will feel bad. I want to be able to make plans without fear of having to cancel because I don’t feel well or having to endure a headache or other pain while engaged in some type of social activity.
- I want to feel like I’m making a positive difference in the world. This difference doesn’t have to be on a grandiose scale, but I want to feel needed and important.
- I want to feel as if I am utilizing my best gifts and strengths and that I am expressing my creativity. I want to feel that I am expressing the best of myself in my endeavors and in my interactions. The specific things that I do to use my gifts are not as important as the fact that I will be using my gifts in some sort of pursuit that matters to me.
2. What did you learn about deserving in your childhood?
I don’t know that I was told that I didn’t deserve, but I often did feel that I have to earn respect and praise. I felt that I had to “tow the line” and do what was expected of me in order to win approval and love.
Earning would only work for me on a temporary basis. I would get approval in the moment, but it would be fleeting. I feel that I have continued this practice with myself. I have to earn my own respect and approval and I often feel that I don’t do enough in order to be worthy of my own love or even like.
3. Do you feel that you are deserving of good things, or do you feel that you have to do something to earn them? Are you good enough?
I feel more deserving than I did in the past, but there is a still a sense of feeling that I must earn things in life, including love and approval from myself and others.
My initial reaction to “are you good enough?” is that of course I am, but deep down I think I don’t feel good enough or worthy. I feel as if I haven’t lived up to my full potential in life. So much of my feelings of deservability are tied up in financial earnings and the societal definitions of success. I feel as if I don’t measure up in these ways.
I do feel that I can be good enough. It will require an attitudinal shift more than an action shift because I know on some level that I am already good enough.
4. Do you deserve to live? Why or why not?
I definitely feel that I deserve to live, no question. This hasn’t always been the case, clearly, as I used to engage in such reckless and self-destructive behavior.
Now I feel that I am worthy of life and worthy of good things in life. I shouldn’t have to earn the good things I have or feel guilty for what I have. I want to be able to just be grateful and happy for my blessings and to trust that I have them because I deserve them!
5. What do you have to live for? What is the purpose of your life?
I have many things to live for. I have my wonderful husband, my adorable kitties, my family and my friends. I feel that I have my potential to make a difference in the lives of many others. I feel that I have my potential joy and future happiness to live for.
I am not entirely sure about the purpose of my life, but I feel that it has to do with inspiring and empowering others. Tears welled up in my eyes as I wrote that, so I know that it’s true. I feel that I can be a force for good and a person who can help others to release themselves from their bondage, the bondage of their own creation. I feel that I can help others to be more free and to experience more joy and happiness in life. I have yet to fully create this meaning or to realize my purpose, but I feel that I am on the precipice of this at this point in my life. It’s as if I have to make it over just one more hill and I will be able to be more fully creative and expressive.
6. Whom do you need to forgive in order to deserve?
I feel that I have forgiven most of the other people in my life at this point. I mostly need to forgive myself in order to feel more deserving. I still feel guilt over things I’ve done in the past and I need to let that go. I can’t go back and change what happened, so I need to release the past and move forward powerfully. I also need to forgive myself for the fact that I have changed careers many times instead of sticking with one thing. That is also something that I cannot change.
My choices and my actions have shaped me into the person I am today and I think that person is a good person. Yes, I made some bad choices at times, but those choices were primarily motivated by my inner pain and my lack of self-confidence and trust in myself. I was trying to escape my pain, so I did some bad and hurtful things. I don’t excuse my actions, but I do need to forgive them.
7. What do you deserve? Do you believe: “I deserve love and joy and all good”? Or do you feel deep down that you deserve nothing? Are you willing to let go of your limiting beliefs about deservability?
You know what? I do believe that I deserve love and joy and all good! It’s taken me many, many years to get to the point where I can write and say that. I know that there are still some undeserving beliefs which need to be healed, but I basically believe that I am a good person who tries my best to be and do good. I am willing to let go of my judgment and contempt towards myself. I am willing to embody “I approve of myself.” I am willing to awake with joy and live my life in joy and peace. I am willing to change, I am willing to grow and I am willing to love and accept myself fully as I am while working to create the life of my dreams.
Some Affirmations to Try
Here are a few affirmations derived from Louise Hay’s “Deservability Treatment.” It may be helpful to repeat these phrases either aloud or silently to yourself when you find yourself feeling down on yourself or discouraged about life in general.
- I am deserving.
- I deserve all good.
- I now move past all negative, restricting thoughts.
- I no longer identify with limitation of any kind.
Next we will delve into becoming more aware of our beliefs, both positive and negative, about various aspects and concepts of life. We will identify those beliefs which serve us, as well as those which are holding us back from accomplishing our goal and realizing our dreams. Then we will move into healing the various aspects of our lives, one step at a time…