Full Life Reflections

Striving for happiness, peace, and fulfillment in a chaotic world

In a comment on my last post, a reader reminded me that there are only a little over two months left in the decade. Since I’ve been blogging, I commonly reflect on the end of each year, but I don’t think I’ve ever formally looked back on a decade as it drew to a close. …

Continue reading

I’m fat! My thighs are huge! I’m ugly! I’m old!

How often do you say these types of things about yourself, either aloud or inside your head? How much time and energy do you spend disparaging yourself and your appearance? Do you think this kind of negative self-talk helps you to change?

For many years, I was my own worst critic. I would criticize myself for a multitude of “sins,” but my most frequent criticisms related to my appearance. I set unbelievably high standards for how I looked, and I would berate myself for not living up to these benchmarks. Whenever I would look at myself in the mirror, all I would see were my flaws; my virtues were invisible to the harsh judge inside my head.

I used to believe that my self-criticism served a useful purpose. I thought that my brutal thoughts and words motivated me to change, and that the judgments pushed me toward productive action. While it’s true that seeing that I didn’t live up to my own standards propelled me to exercise more often and restrict my food intake, there was also a downside to my self-criticism that I didn’t see until recently.

I usually try to be upbeat in these blog posts, but today I need to rant about a frustrating ongoing challenge… As I write this, I am suffering from my ninth migraine headache this month! I just had a migraine on Wednesday and I am so frustrated that I am afflicted with yet another one just two days later.

I track my migraines and have found the monthly average to be seven to eight headaches. They vary in terms of severity, so I am not always completely debilitated by the pain, but it does adversely affect my life in a multitude of ways. Since I’ve been living with migraines for 25 years now, I’ve learned to adapt and do as much as I can through the pain. Yet, although I am able to “grin and bear it” for much of the time, I am more than ready to release this dreaded condition.

Many Potential Remedies, No Lasting Solution

Over the years, I’ve tried many, many potential remedies to become free of these devastating, throbbing headaches. I’ve taken numerous prescriptions and over-the-counter drugs, tried bottle after bottle of supplements, eliminated various foods from my diet, and visited a long list of medical professionals, both traditional and alternative. There have been pockets of relief along the way, but these reprieves have been short-lived at best. My migraines are like a broken record that keeps playing its tired song over and over again, month after month, and year after year.

I’ve mentioned a “laundry list” of health issues that I am working to heal through my healing project. Some of these challenges have cycled in and out of my life, while others plague me for only a short time period before miraculously disappearing just as quickly and mysteriously as they materialized. But the one problem which has accompanied me on my life path since the age of eighteen has been the migraines. So I’m guessing that the lesson I need to learn from this tired and tireless ailment is the most important one of all! The Universe keeps literally rapping me over the head because I continue to fail to get the message!